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this journal entry posted on April.03.2007 by AMPro
I don't suffer from season depression. Or any kind of depression. I don't even really get sad very often. A lot of my friends do though. Gratitude for Springtime I guess. I'm not a big fan of having my friends all sad. Especially when they're all threatening to move away.
Okay, so this is a journal entry that I've been sitting on for more than a month I guess. It was about a month ago and a high percentage of the people close to me were all talking about heading out of state, for long periods of time if not forever. One of my girlfriends seemed like she was quite possibly breaking up with me. To top it all off I got called into work for about 12 hours without pay on my day off to fix a screw up from one of our employees who could avoid screwing up if he would just pay attention sometimes or care a little bit about his job. And on that day, as I was sorting through tires one by one in the dark it occured to me that if I did feel like being depressed maybe that wouldn't be so unreasonable. But I was still relatively chipper. So I began composing this blog entry as I worked. Only I never got an opportunity to type it out when I got home. So, here it is a month later.
This entry is about my best guesses as to what it is that keeps me afloat. Why all kinds of awful can darken my doorstep and I'm only mildly disheartened by it. Here's the enumerated list.
1. Relationships - The biggest factor is having the human relationships that I need in my life to stay okay. No matter whatever else is going on in life I feel like Heather will always love me, and that's like a huge boulder of stability in the ol' foundation. And I feel like I have more friends than I could even spend time with, and community stuff to do all the time and people who have attention for me and whant to know what I'm up to and who have interesting stories to tell and that's the stuff that makes life worth living.
2. Upbringing - My mother did a really good job of raising me such that I don't spend too much time focussed on things beyond my control. Seems like really catastrophic things don't bother me if I know I can't do anything about them at present. I just put my time in on things that I can affect and keep my eye on all the rest in case I can affect it later.
3. Purpose - I feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing in life with writing books and all. I feel like I have books to write that no one else can write and that actually need to be written and that somehow makes it easy to get up in the morning.
4. Clensed - I have big gratitude that I have a job that allows me to sweat even in the dead of winter. I think that renewal of water and the ability to release body fluids --sweat in particular-- is key to keeping healthy and energized. I feel like my circulatory system, immune system, metabolism and all that are on overdrive. And I like it.
5. Light - I get outsight and absorb what light there is even when there isn't much. Even on the shortest days of the year, being out on my bike and having some direct sunlight on my face helps. I'm pretty sure of that.
With hope that any of that is of any use to anyone.
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