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One hundred forty-two
this journal entry posted on December.08.2007 by AMPro
One hundred forty two is NOT the number of birthday greetings I got through the net, but I did get a LOT. Thanks. I will try to get back to everyone over the weekend as best I'm able.
One forty two IS the number of days that passed between my June 12th blog/journal entry The Garden and my Nov 2nd entry five. A pretty long unexplained absence. That was a period I like to call the dark ages, and I haven't really talked about it much.
For anyone who had been following along before I stopped journaling, we had expanded our co-op house and assembled a super group of cool people two of whom were my super awesome girlfriends that I was very much blissed out over, and we had had a great house meeting where we all appreciated each other and drew up a road map for how we were going to communicate, communicate, communicate and shower one another with loving attention and reap the benefits of our combined efforts...
Shortly thereafter we slammed the car into reverse and did the exact opposite of everything we said we were going to do. We sped backwards at top speed without looking over our shoulders or even bracing ourselves for the inevitable crash. When we finally did crash in a mangled pile of distrust, guilt, animosity and anger we found all of our relationships hacked off down to the ground. I went from two awesome girlfriends down to zero at one point, and had an armed man come into my house and tell me that I had to live with a human individual that I felt had just manipulated and bullied me in my own home, and then this armed individual representing our fine city and government even attempted to dictate to me how I was supposed to feel and act toward her. Apparently if you give a person a gun they eventually come to feel like they can dispense orders about how you should FEEL.
For the most part I lived at my job during the month of August. I just slept there and worked constantly and waited for my house to be vacated. Heather moved in with a friend and we barely saw one another. I became, for the first time in recent memory, a mean and sour person and became completely indifferent about the welfare of a person that had in the past seen me through some dark times.
In September Heather and I got to start slowly putting our lives back together and growing our relationship back from the roots. I am very grateful to have her as a part of my life, as I don't know how I'd deal with all of the things in life that wallop you from out of nowhere without her. But it basically took us until the end of October to really be able to breathe again, so that was the long hiatus.
I still have dreams of living in a diverse community of individuals with diverse gifts and diverse personalities, but that'll have to wait a while.
In other news, the BloodThirstyVegans really rocked out at DanceAlive last night and got very loose and free and made many beautiful sounds and I danced with a desperate joy.
And I've been having a lot of fun putting 716BBS.com back together again. It's a nice design/coding distraction and I'm learning a lot from it at the same time I'm reestablishing contact with people I've been poor to awful at keeping in touch with.
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