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journalWelcome to my online journal. I'm Alex Mead. For many years people called me AMPro --so much so that it seemed like my name. More recently, a lot of people on the internet have come to know me as green.earth.al and in show biz...My Rap Name is Alex. Whatever name I'm known by, I still seem to have the same opinions and convictions, I still like to write and make public my introspection and try to say something that will provoke some thoughts and help people see the world in new and helpful ways.
the Cycle
this journal entry posted on November.27.2005

As November wound down some things were going good:
- My friend Christina introduced me to her new boyfriend who seems like a really awesome guy and gives me a sense of hope that she's finally selected someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
- My friend Alyssa had send me CD (Hal Walker) and after months of it sitting around I finally listened to it and it quickly became one of my favorite CDs. I listened to it constantly while I was drawing pictures for my book.

Some things were going bad:
- Leslie, through car troubles and illness and general business had not been available to get together for the whole month of November.
- The weather got super cold.
- I tried to ride my bike on the bike path to get home and ended up falling three times on this stretch of the bike path where the waves come up onto the path and freeze there. I hurt myself and had a hard time at work.

But mostly, as November was drawing to a close, I was feeling the effects of the end of the cycle.

I'm a project oriented person. And I was nearing the end of a project. My book: Relations 2. I was starting to go on the radio to promote it, I was trying to finalize it so that I could order copies and have it ready to roll out by December 10th. As with most major projects of mine, as it neared completion, I became hyper-focussed on it. To the exclusion of all else.

When I am finishing up a project the house becomes a total mess, huge stacks of mail pile up, bills go unpaid, I lose touch with some of the people that I desperately want to keep in touch with, I have no time to make journal entries, I don't take even basic care of myself, etc.

And then when I'm finally finished with a project, I go to church more regularly, my house gets clean, I begin to look more well rested, and I can start showing up to events, etc.

Some people who know me well have a hard time percieving or believing in the cycle because no matter how pressed for time or hyper-focussed I get, I will still drop everything to perform a rescue operation if there's an emergency I can assist with in a half-day or less. I still will show up to weekly community dinners and such, as I've discovered that I need them to stay sane.

The cycle for Relations 2: SMASH YOUR TV! was especially hard on me. I wanted to start writing it in August. Finish writing it in November. And release it in mid December. I was prepared for the possibility of unexpected snags, and prepared for the posibility that the book might have to be pushed back until January or February 2006.

I did indeed start writing the book as soon as August started. I was very inspired, wrote a lot, had an unexpected layoff, and before I knew it, the writing was finished early, in early October. So I went ahead and started advertizing for the book figuring it would be easily finished by mid December.

I figured I had time to do a lot of drawing so I undertook a style of drawing that required a lot of drawing. A whole lot of drawing. And then I got really stuck trying to work Christina's awesome website idea and finish my book at the same time. And then disaster struck. At the same time that I injured myself by falling off my bike a lot and was hobbling around work, they took my stacker (the palett jack that I use at work all the time) and they put it in the shop for "repairs" (that's code language for 'we're butting it in the garage forever! Good luck ever getting it back out.) So just as I had made the decision to do fewer trucks at work and accept a little less money, work started taking way longer with all of these other palette jacks so I got to spend more time at work AND make less money working longer hours.

Fucknut! Put me in a bad mood quite a bit.

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